


Carry On

by ZoneRobotnik



Series: The Good Boy Chronicles [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: James is trying to cope with what happened, M/M, keith is trying to be a good friend, kolivan is a good leader, sequel to "play date", slav is a good doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 11:08:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17058668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoneRobotnik/pseuds/ZoneRobotnik
Summary: In the days following Sendak's death, James is learning to cope with what happened and finds out something's wrong with his body.





	Carry On

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AGI92](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGI92/gifts), [NyxKeilantra413](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyxKeilantra413/gifts).



> Voltron (c) Netflix & Dreamworks
> 
> ((A/N: Yikes, this one was 20 pages! They keep getting bigger and bigger!))

Something metal brushed against James' arm and he startled awake, his eyes wide and fearful. Shiro pulled back his hand apologetically and cleared his throat. “You were...uhm...whimpering in your sleep. I thought I'd wake you.”  
  
James slowly nodded, slowly relaxing. Shirogane. Not Sendak. He reached up and rubbed at his eyes before he slowly pushed himself into sitting up. “I need to get out of this bed.”  
  
Shiro nodded. “I'll see if they can clear you for release.” He walked away to talk to the doctor, who James didn't recognize the voice of at all. He was pretty sure they weren't human. The doctor came over with a clipboard and James _knew_ it wasn't human, because it looked like some kind of animal with way too many legs.  
  
“Well, your vitals seem okay, and your body is pretty much healed. You might've recovered faster if we had a healing pod, but we haven't quite gotten the one stashed in the Black Lion to work, even on the Atlas.” The doctor said, then looked at Shiro. “You know, if you had walked around in a circle clockwise like I said _said_ to, it might've worked in this reality.”  
  
Shiro groaned. “Can he leave the bed or _not_ , Slav?!”  
  
The doctor let out an impatient sound. “He can, but his legs are still very weak from constant periods of disuse. I suggest you start him off on a wheelchair and work him up to physical therapy.” He walked off.  
  
“So, is he clear to go?” Shiro asked.  
  
“Yes, yes! I'll bring the discharge papers and wheelchair!” Slav replied with an annoyed tone.  
  
“He thinks _he's_ annoyed, _I'm_ considering throwing him out the _airlock_.” Shiro grumbled.  
  
“...What... _is_ he?” James asked.  
  
“Uh, he's Slav. I forget what his species is called, but he's...a pain in the ass.” He paused. “Bad choice of words. He's tough to work with. He can see into other realities, and advises us on how to avoid bad situations. Usually by having us do some c _ompletely asinine things_.”  
  
“Asinine to you, necessary to me.” Slav came over with papers, pushing a hovering wheelchair. “Here we are. Shiro, why don't you help him into it and I'll strap him in while you fill out the papers? Uh, where is his legal guardian? Who is in charge of his well-being?”  
  
“That would be me.” Shiro said, going to James. “That is, if you're okay with it?”  
  
“I don't really care.” James sighed. “I'm 21 now. I shouldn't _need_ a legal guardian.”  
  
“Well, let's get you out of this bed.” Shiro pulled the blanket to the side and James wrapped his arms around his neck as Shiro gently lifted him up from it. “Is this okay?”  
  
“Mmhm.” James nodded, focusing on the lack of fur on Shiro's body to keep himself calm.  
  
Shiro carried him to the wheelchair and gently sat him down, then knelt to strap him in with the seatbelt. “Alright, how's that?”  
  
James shifted a bit. Not too tight, but secure. His hands were blissfully uncuffed, and the chair was comfortable. “It's good.”  
  
“Good. “ Shiro stood up and took the papers. “Alright, let's see...wait, what's this medicine you're having him take?”  
  
“It's to help with the trauma-induced anxiety attacks.” Slav explained. “He should only be injected during an attack, and it shouldn't be _too_ often...unless you didn't wear black socks today?”  
  
“I wore black socks.” Shiro assured him.  
  
“Good, good.” Slav nodded. “Then, he should only need it once today, at most. Unless something else happens.”  
  
“ _What_ 'something else'?” Shiro asked.  
  
“I don't know! Anything can affect reality! Now sign here, here, and he's going to need this light in his room, it will chase away nightmares. Unless it's set directly above him. Put it on his left side, closer to his hip while he sleeps but at the level of his head standing up. I put the instructions on the papers.” He handed James a bag. “Oh, and did you want the clothes you arrived in?”  
  
James paled, thinking of the clothes Sendak had forced him to wear that he'd had to put on to get out of the ship. “No. Burn them.” He breathed.  
  
“Alright, then.” Slav nodded, then looked at Shiro's signature. “Careful, don't go past the line!”  
  
“Or what will happen?” Shiro asked.  
  
“Well, he could go into a panic attack at this moment.” Slav said simply.  
  
“Only because you _put_ him in one!” Shiro finished signing the papers and Slav took what he needed and put the rest in a folder that he handed to Shiro. “Thank you.”  
  
“Be safe, and avoid bumping into corners!” Slav said as Shiro gripped the handlebars and walked James' chair out of the room.  
  
“See what I mean?” Shiro said, exasperated. “The Galaxy Garrison is almost fully repaired, so we'll be heading to space soon. Did you want to join us for that?”  
  
James looked up at him. “Join you...in space?”  
  
“Yeah.” Shiro smiled. “I think you've earned it. Besides, you're an exceptional soldier, I heard.”  
  
James pursed his lips and looked down. “I guess I was. I don't know _what_ I am now.” He reached up to fiddle with his dog tags still hanging around his neck. His hair felt heavy on his neck and hung over his face, but he couldn't bring himself to cut it yet.  
  
They went through the hallways, and James avoided the gaze of anyone that looked at him. He couldn't help it, he didn't like being looked at anymore. Gone was the poster boy of the Galaxy Garrison, the kid that used to love the spotlight. Sendak had fucked his pride and grace right out of him.  
  
“Good boy!”  
  
He tensed and looked up in alarm, then realized it was Iverson talking to a large wolf-like dog with Keith.  
  
“Who's a good boy?” Iverson cooed. “Here, I've got something for you. You want a treat?”  
  
The wolf barked excitedly.  
  
“I've got a treat for you, here you go.” Iverson held out something and the wolf gobbled it up.  
  
“You know, with everyone giving him treats, he's going to grow too big to keep in my room.” Keith laughed.  
  
“Ahh, a fat dog is a happy dog.” Iverson grinned.  
  
Keith shook his head with a smile, then noticed they were there. “Hey, you're up!” He ran over to them. “Shiro, I said to _tell_ me when he was discharged, so I could _be_ there!”  
  
“Sorry, I forgot! Slav was being really annoying!” Shiro laughed.  
  
Keith sighed and looked at James. “Hey, how you doing?”  
  
James looked up at him. “...I'm...okay. Little things here and there bother me, but I'm otherwise okay.”  
  
“Like?” Keith frowned a bit.  
  
James glanced away. “...It's not important. As long as it's not said to me, I'll be okay. Saying it to the dog...that's fine.”  
  
Keith frowned. “Saying what?”  
  
“'Good boy'. He called me that a lot.” James bit his lip, then remembered that was a bad thing to do around a Galra and quickly stopped.  
  
“Well, let us know if anything upsets you, okay?” Keith smiled.  
  
“No.” James shook his head. “I don't want to be _weak_. I have to move past this, return to what I used to be.”  
  
“Well, we can start with a haircut.” Shiro suggested.  
  
“...Okay.” James nodded.  
  
“Come on, we'll go to my room for it. I have scissors.” Keith suggested, turning and walking down the hall. Shiro followed, pushing James along.  
  
“So...how many people know what happened to me?” James asked.  
  
“Almost no one. As far as most people know, you were captured and tortured and finally managed to fight back. Oh, uh, they're kind of freaking out because you used the Black Bayard, too. Lance let that slip.” Keith shook his head.  
  
“And Lance is...?” James frowned.  
  
“Veronica's brother.” Keith reminded him.  
  
“Right.” James nodded. “I think I remember that from the videos.”  
  
“Yeah. He's pretty freaked out, since Black is super picky but you just picked up the Bayard and Black said 'Ohh, I like this one' and changed it for you so you could cut off Sendak's head and save my life.” Keith shrugged. “He's uh...kind of weird that way. Devotion to the favorite tends to get you noticed and favored. I guess you wanting to save my life, risking your own by acting out, got Black to like you.”  
  
“I was just trying to hand it to you.” James reminded him.  
  
“Yeah, but Sendak would've punished you for it. He knew what the Bayard does, what it's for. What it represents.” Keith smiled. “You were chosen to be worthy as a future Black Paladin.”  
  
“Can we please stop talking about it?” James said, tensing up a bit.  
  
“O-Okay. Sorry.” Keith opened the door to his suite and Shiro pushed James ' chair in while Keith went to get scissors out.  
  
Worthy of being the Black Paladin? What a laugh. James barely felt worthy of being _human,_ much less a _soldier_ and even _less_ something as important as _the leader of Voltron_. The conversation was enough to make James feel sick.  
  
Shiro pushed him over to the kitchen sink where Keith was waiting and Keith gently took James' hair in his hands. “Ready?” He asked, bringing the scissors to the back of James' neck, the metal brushing against his skin.  
  
James' eyes widened and he started hyperventilating and whimpering. “No, no...don't touch me...”  
  
Keith quickly moved the scissors away and Shiro dug into the bag to get James' medication while Keith tried to soothe him with gentle kisses to his head and soothing noises. To Shiro's relief, James managed to calm down without the medication and he brought his hands to his face, letting out soft whimpers.  
  
“Okay...so, I _think_ we can rule out cutting your hair for the time being.” Shiro said, swallowing nervously.  
  
“Long hair looks good on you!” Keith said encouragingly. “I can cut the fringe, though, if you want?”  
  
“No.” James shook his head. “It's...it's fine. Leave it.”  
  
“Do you want to tie it up?” Keith asked.  
  
“Sure.” James nodded.  
  
Keith walked over to pick out a hairband. “Orange okay?”  
  
“Yeah.” James nodded.  
  
“What style?” Keith moved behind him again.  
  
“Anything but a braid.” James said, feeling tense at the memory of Sendak braiding his hair.  
  
Keith nodded and pulled it back into a high ponytail, pulling James' fringe back with it. “I can still cut this, if you still want it.” He offered. “It wouldn't be anywhere near your skin, and you can close your eyes.”  
  
“...Okay.” James nodded.  
  
Keith let go of the fringe and finished tying up his hair before he picked up the scissors and carefully snipped away at the fringe. Shiro watched closely and James kept his eyes closed the entire time while Keith worked.  
  
“There we go.” Keith smiled. “That looks like you.”  
  
“Let me see.” James said.  
  
Keith got out his phone and turned on the camera, setting it on selfie mode. “See?”  
  
James took the phone with shaking hands, reaching up to run his hand through his hair. “Yeah.” He smiled a bit. It looked like the old him. The him he was, before...He handed back the phone and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to block out the memories.  
  
Sure, he'd managed to complete his mission and kill Sendak, but at _what cost_? He felt filthy, inhuman, unworthy of all this _attention_.  
  
“Can I...go to my room?” He looked up at Shiro.  
  
“Sure.” Shiro smiled. “See you later, Keith.” He pushed James' chair out of the room and down the hall. “I've put your room close to mine, and there's an intercom if you need anything. I also put a pad in your room, in case you need anything but can't properly articulate it.”  
  
“I need a shower.” James said, frowning.  
  
“Do you want help?” Shiro asked.  
  
“No. I don't want to be touched.” James shook his head.  
  
Shiro pursed his lips. “I get that. I felt the same way for a while. At least I had some sort of a relief, a break. Sendak was... _brutal_ to you. It wasn't fair to--”  
  
“ _ **Stop saying his name**_!” James snapped. More of a _shriek_ , really. Shiro went quiet and anyone in the hallway quickly fled the area in fear of causing another shriek.  
  
He couldn't bring himself to feel bad about it.  
  
They reached his room and Shiro pushed him in and quietly unfastened the seatbelt keeping him strapped into it. “I'll be out here.” He helped him out of the chair and walked him to the attached bathroom. “Call me if you need anything.”  
  
James stepped inside and gripped the doorway. Shiro moved his hand away and James forced a smile before he went in and shut the door. He didn't hear Shiro leave the area of the door until he got to the shower and turned it on.  
  
Removing the heavy hospital clothes was a chore. Earth clothes felt so heavy compared to what he'd been wearing, but he managed to get them off and his hairband out before he stepped into the shower, letting it wash away the sweat and grime from being stuck in a bed for days on end.  
  
He picked up a scrubbie and a bar of soap that was already unwrapped for him and rubbed them together under the shower's spray before he started to wash his body. It was hard, letting Keith touch him. Hard, but also so wanted. Keith had been so gentle, even with Sendak urging him on, and kept up that gentleness even now.  
  
Treating him like he was going to _break_.  
  
He bit back a shaky sob and leaned against the wall of the shower, letting the shower's spray hit his body without any obstruction. The bruises were long, the bite marks healed over, but nothing would erase the memories. As far as the others knew, he'd just been tortured but stayed strong enough to kill Sendak as soon as he got a weapon. Very few people know what he'd been reduced to.  
  
He was a plaything, a whore, unworthy of any respect. He'd submitted so easily, even if it was by _accident,_ and didn't once put up a fight. No matter his reasoning, the fact was that he was Sendak's “good boy”, and he didn't try hard enough to kill him sooner. He was growing complacent with his situation and didn't _try_ until Keith got involved. He was happy to be treated as the prized pet and watch Sendak kill people for acting up like _he_ should've.  
  
He was disgusting. He wasn't a hero. He wasn't a leader. He was a shadow of his former self, with no pride and no honor or morals.  
  
He needed to rebuild himself. Prove to himself he could be _more_ than what Sendak made of him. He had to try being a soldier again. Which meant he couldn't be leaning on the arm of his Admiral.  
  
He turned off the water and walked along the wall to the shelf of towels. He took one off and wrapped it around himself, then grabbed a second one to wrap his hair in before he leaned against the wall to dry himself off. He realized, when he was done, he didn't have any clean clothes to put on and he cringed before making his way to the door and creeping it open. Maybe there was something in his room...  
  
Shiro was sitting on a chair with a pad in his hands. He looked up when James opened the door and got up to walk over to him. “All done?”  
  
James nodded. “I don't have any clean clothes.”  
  
“Kinkade brought some to your room. He said he had them all boxed up, couldn't beat to get rid of your belongings after your...well, it doesn't matter, since you're alive. Come on.” He offered him his flesh hand and James shakily took it, letting him lead him out while he used his other hand to hold the towel around his body.  
  
“Do you need help getting dressed?” Shiro led him to the bed and helped him sit down, then went to the stacked boxes to start getting out the packed clothes. “Pajamas okay? Oh, and there's a new uniform hanging, when you feel up to wearing it. We all get new uniforms.” He grinned a bit.  
  
James glanced over at the orange and white uniform hanging near the bed, noticing the design was similar to the Officer style.  
  
“Here you go.” Shiro pulled out some folded pajamas and walked over to kneel in front of James. “Do you need help with this?”  
  
“I can dress myself.” James shook his head. He'd spent a year not being allowed to dress himself, he was _done_ with that. He took the clothes and Shiro got up and turned away to give him privacy as he got dressed.  
  
It felt...weird, wearing such heavy clothing again. He shakily fastened the button-down pajama shirt and pulled on the pants before letting out a shuddering breath. It all felt heavy, so heavy, like his shame pressing down on him.  
  
“You okay?” Shiro asked.  
  
“Yeah.” James nodded. “I'm...I'm okay. I'm dressed.”  
  
“Alright.” Shiro turned to him and walked closer. “I know this is going to sound weird, but I need you to stand up for a bit, okay?” He offered him his flesh hand.  
  
James blinked slowly at him and took his hand, letting him pull him up. Then Shiro moved his metal hand past James to touch the wall behind him. “Is this because of that crazy alien doctor?”  
  
“He's weird and rude, but not crazy.” Shiro gently sat him back down. “Okay, now I need you to lie down, okay?”  
  
James sighed and did as the other man asked.  
  
Shiro moved his metal hand along the wall until he found the right spot and then nodded. “Okay, now I'm going to install that light.”  
  
James nodded and watched as he left his metal hand hovering above James and went to get the light out of the bag. He walked over and fumbled with the packaging a bit, then looked up as James got up and placed his hand just under the metal one. “Oh, uh, thanks.” He moved the metal hand away and used both hands to open the packaging. “It just sticks to the wall, apparently. It's supposed to keep nightmares away. If it doesn't, even though I followed _all_ of his asinine instructions, you have permission to smack Slav.”  
  
James laughed a bit. “Okay.”  
  
Shiro stepped onto the bed to install the light, his metal hand brushing against James' slightly. “Oh, sorry.”  
  
“It's okay.” James nodded. “I'm...I'm okay.”  
  
Shiro turned the light on and then stepped back. It was nice, comforting navy-blue color that also projected little yellow dots on the wall like stars. “There you go. I'll be right next door if you need anything, my contact information is always in your pad.” He gestured to the transparent device sitting on the desk next to the bed. Then he turned and headed for the door. “I have some work to do, so I'll be up for a little while yet. Get some sleep.” He smiled and opened the door, closing it behind him.  
  
“...Thanks.” James said softly, sitting down on the bed against the pillows and pulling the blanket over himself. He then picked up the pad and looked through it. It looked like he had Shirogane's contact information, as well as Keith's and all the MFE teams. He noticed a message sent from Nadia and opened it up.  
  
**[NadiaR: Hey, are you in your new room yet? I heard you got discharged. Did you see the gifts yet? I guess you're pretty tired, huh? How are you doing?]**  
  
James looked over at a few gift bags he hadn't noticed before that were sitting near the door and then accessed the camera feature, turning it on selfie mode to take a picture of himself giving a halfhearted thumbs-up. Then he sent the picture to her and noticed a message from Keith next.  
  
**[KeithK: When you're feeling better, I want to introduce you to my mom. I did mention she's a Galra, so I won't do it until you feel you're ready to face one again.]  
**  
Oh yeah, he _did_ mention that. Just before Sendak had forced them to have sex. He shivered at the memory. He wished their first time had been less traumatizing.  
  
**[KeithK: I've instructed all Galra personnel to keep their distance from you until you're feeling better.]**  
  
“All”? How many Galra were _on_ this thing?  
  
**[KeithK: Let me know when you're ready to leave the room tomorrow, I'll come bring you to breakfast. Unless you'd rather eat in private? I can come eat with you in your room.]**  
  
He hated how Keith seemed to be walking on eggshells around him. He was overly polite and formal and nothing like how he used to be. He pursed his lips and typed a reply.  
  
**[JamesG: Private sounds]  
  
  
**He faltered. A private meal felt too close to what he'd had to deal with for the past year. He sent a different message, instead.  
  
**[JamesG: I'm tired of being kept apart from everyone. I'll join the others for breakfast.]**  
  
He sent it and sighed, hoping that didn't sound too hostile. He set the pad aside and curled up under the blanket, taking comfort in the fact it felt heavy and like Earth. It felt like cotton, actually. Warm, comforting, heavy cotton. He drifted off to sleep and didn't notice when the pad pinged with replies and more messages.  
  
–  
  
The light did its job, he thought as he woke up feeling refreshed and _relaxed_ for once. The doctor may be kind of weird, but he knew what he was talking about. He slowly climbed out of bed and made his way along the wall to the bathroom, deciding not to bother Shirogane. He needed to be able to do this himself, especially if he was going to be going to space.  
  
Sendak's cruiser was in space, but he never got to see the view from it properly. He found his way to the shower and discarded his pajamas to wash up. He felt...light. Happy. Free. Waking up without any kind of restraints or beeping noises was soothing. He finished his shower and then dried up before making his way out of the room and going to open the boxes and find clean underwear. Then he looked over at the hanging uniform and clutched at the dog tags that hadn't left his neck since he'd pleaded for Sendak to give them back to him.  
  
“I'm a soldier.” He said firmly, moving along the wall towards it. “I'm a soldier.” He took it off the wall and made his way back to the bed to sit down and take it off the hanger.  
  
He put it on piece by piece, glancing at his pinging pad every now and then as he did, then picked up the hairband he'd grabbed while he was in the bathroom to tie his hair up before he picked it up. Yeesh, everyone in his contacts was pinging him. He decided to address Keith's first.  
  
**[KeithK: Alright, great! You'll probably be eating with the Paladins and me, is that okay? We have some stuff to discuss. Or I could drop you off with your friends?]  
  
[KeithK: I guess you've fallen asleep, I'll see you in the morning. Let me know when you're up, I'll head over.]  
**  
James typed a reply that simply said “ **I'm up** ” and went to address the other messages, which were mostly the MFEs and Shiro wishing him a good morning and asking if he needed anything and if he'd be joining them for breakfast. He sent the affirmative to all of them and then went back to Keith's message, which had been updated with an “ **Alright, I'm on my way** ”.  
  
Keith arrived quickly, accompanied by his wolf-dog. To James' shock, Keith didn't even go through the door, he just teleported in with the dog, in the middle of tying back his hair.  
  
“Wolf!” Keith looked flustered. “I wasn't ready yet!” He looked at James. “Sorry he, uh, sensed I wanted to come here and decided to take matters into his own hands. This is my space-wolf.”  
  
“Does he have a name?” James asked, kneeling down to pet the wolf with a soft smile.  
  
“Everyone's been calling him Kosmo, but I want to wait until he _tells_ me his name.” Keith huffed a bit. “I picked him up in the Quantum Abyss. Spent two years there, though to the rest of the universe it was only a few months.”  
  
Was the wolf _psychic_ or something?  
  
“So, how old are you, actually?” James raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Uhh...21?” Keith shrugged. “You're almost 22, right?”  
  
“You remembered.” James smiled a bit.  
  
“Well, yeah. The teacher would celebrate in the middle of class and we'd have cake instead of classwork, I swear some of the kids looked _forward_ to the birthday of her favorite student.” Keith said teasingly.  
  
James glanced away. “Being the favorite isn't all its cracked up to be. Sometimes it can be miserable.”  
  
Keith frowned and then sighed. “Well, could you watch Wolf for me while I finish getting ready? I'm not even wearing my jacket!” He headed for the door and opened it.  
  
“Sure.” James smiled, petting the wolf fondly.  
  
“Thanks.” Keith closed the door as he left.  
  
James sighed softly and stroked the wolf's fur fondly. “You're really pretty. Do you know that? Absolutely gorgeous.”  
  
Wolf nuzzled him and he leaned into his warmth, sighing contentedly. This was warm, safe, comforting. He loved dogs, but his mother was allergic to animal fur so he'd never had one. He frowned and sat back a bit. Shirogane had declared himself his legal guardian, didn't even _mention_ his parents. That meant his parents must've been killed by Sendak. The thought only made him realize _just how much_ Sendak had _stolen_ from him and he clung to the wolf as he fought back tears.  
  
The door opened and Keith stepped inside, adjusting his belt over his red and white uniform jacket. “Alright, _now_ I'm ready to go to breakfast.” He noticed James was sitting on the ground and frowned. “You okay? Do you need the chair?” He went over to it.  
  
“No!” James shook his head. “No, I...I'm okay.”  
  
Keith frowned. “James, you should probably get in the chair, anyway.”  
  
“I'm not _weak_.” James growled. “I don't care _what_ the doctor said, I'm not going to let Sendak _confine me to a chair_. He already did that with a _bed_!”  
  
“...Sorry.” Keith moved away from the chair and walked over to offer his hand. “Come on.”  
  
James took his hand and let him lead him out of the room, the wolf walking next to him and nudging his hand every now and then like he could sense James' discomfort.  
  
Maybe the wolf _was_ psychic.  
  
They reached the dining hall and stepped inside. A hush fell over the room for a bit, but it picked back up after Keith narrowed his eyes at everyone and gently tugged James' hand to lead him through.  
  
“Hey, you're up and walking!” One of the Paladins, dressed in green, said cheerfully. “That's great!”  
  
“Yeah.” James nodded, taking the seat next to Keith that was offered to him.  
  
“So...why is he at our table?” The one in blue asked. “Is it because he used the Black Bayard?”  
  
“No, it's because he's eating breakfast with me. Do you want me to move?” Keith snapped.  
  
“Okay, okay. I was just thinking, you know, he's _technically_ a Pala--”  
  
“Drop it, Lance.” Pidge advised, seeing James tense up.  
  
“Mind if I eat with you today?” Shiro asked, walking up to them with his tray. “I know I'm not a Paladin anymore, but...”  
  
“Shiro, you don't even have to ask.” The Green Paladin scooted in a bit so he could sit down.  
  
“So, we're going up to space in two quintants—days. Sorry. Still getting used to not using space words.” Shiro smiled apologetically at James.  
  
“That's okay. I understood it.” James glanced away. “  
  
Shiro nodded. “Anyways, Allura, where's Romelle and Coran?”  
  
“Trying to get Romelle's friend to eat.” The dark-skinned woman with markings under her eyes dressed in pink sighed. “She's awake, but refuses to eat anything we give her. She's going to waste away, at this rate.”  
  
“Well, hopefully we can find out some stuff from the other Galra.” The Yellow Paladin said grimly. “Sendak's ship logs proved he'd been corresponding with Honerva, but he didn't have any information on the Altean in the pod. I guess she didn't tell him everything she was up to?”  
  
“Or she said it all in-person and turned off the cameras.” The Green Paladin frowned.  
  
“Oh, James, we should introduce you!” Keith suddenly cut in. “James, this is Princess Allura of Altea. Allura, this is James Griffin.”  
  
“I've heard of you.” She smiled. “You were the one that killed Sendak. You have done everyone a great service. I thank you.”  
  
Keith nodded. “And this is Pidge--”  
  
“Katie Holt, actually, but call me Pidge.” Pidge waved.  
  
“Lance--”  
  
“S'up?” Lance nodded.  
  
“And Hunk. And you know me and Shiro.” Keith smiled.  
  
“So...you're all Paladins.” James said, looking thoughtful. “I don't remember there being a pink Lion in the projection. Or...when we left Sendak's ship.”  
  
“Oh, that's because there isn't one. Allura flies the Blue Lion.” Keith explained. “Lance flies Red, Pidge flies Green, Hunk flies Yellow, and I fly Black.” He grinned.  
  
“...That's really confusing.” James said blankly.  
  
“The colors we wear are based on our original set-up. When we first joined as a team, Allura didn't fly a Lion. Shiro flew Black, Keith flew Red, and Lance flew Blue.” Pidge explained, adjusting her glasses. “Less confusing now?”  
  
“Slightly.” He looked up as Keith got up to get them some food.  
  
“So, now that Keith isn't here to keep interrupting, are you going to try flying the Black Lion?” Lance asked.  
  
James frowned. “I doubt I'm worthy of it. I'm sure the weapon only changed for me because I was meaning to give it to Keith and save Keith's life.”  
  
“If you _weren't_ worthy, it wouldn't change at all.” Pidge informed him. “Come on, give it a shot. The worst that can happen is the Black Lion doesn't respond to you.”  
  
“Might be good to have a backup Black, anyway.” Lance looked at Pidge. “Remember what happened the last time Keith disappeared on us? Or when Shiro did?”  
  
“I didn't just _disappear_.” Shiro reminded them.  
  
“And we _don't_ need to go into details about that, I'm _sure_ the guy's been through enough.” Hunk said nervously. “Seriously, Sendak has only been dead, what, a week? Let him rest a bit before you start shoving him into the Black Lion's seat!”  
  
'And stop _talking_ about me like I'm not _right here_.' James gripped the table tightly. 'Stop saying his name, stop saying his name, _stop saying his name,_ _ **stop saying his name**_!' He thought frantically.  
  
“Oh, uh, sorry.” Hunk said nervously.  
  
“You...okay?” Pidge said, glancing away awkwardly.  
  
“Shit.” He breathed, realizing he might not've thought that at all. At least no one but the ones at the table seemed to have heard him this time.  
  
“Maybe it's too soon for this.” James said quietly, pushing himself up and making to leave the table.  
  
“James?” Keith was coming back, and he looked concerned. “What happened? Are you okay?” He set down their trays.  
  
“I'm fine.” James shook his head.  
  
“Not hungry?” Keith frowned.  
  
James sighed and sat back down.  
  
Keith sat next to him and seemed to notice the atmosphere of the table had changed. “What did you guys do?”  
  
“We didn't do anything!” Lance said defensively.  
  
“We...might've been a bit callous about your friend's situation.” Allura said apologetically.  
  
“Let's just eat.” Keith cut into his food.  
  
James started to reach for the fork, but froze at the memory of being hit by a large hand for doing the same thing before. He snatched his hand back and stared at the fork with wide, fearful eyes. Thankfully, Shiro had pulled the others into a conversation again and no one but Keith noticed he wasn't eating.  
  
“You okay?” He asked quietly.  
  
“I can't touch the fork.” He whispered.  
  
“Why?” Keith frowned.  
  
“He'll hit me for it. I can't touch the fork, I can't feed myself.” James shook his head.  
  
Keith picked up the fork and grabbed James' hand, putting the fork in his palm. “I'm giving you permission to feed yourself. That help?”  
  
James hesitantly brought the fork over to the plate and scooped up some of the mashed potatoes. Keith smiled encouragingly as he brought it to his lips and he smiled before going for another bite. The food tasted like freedom and he eagerly devoured every bite, then went for the drink, blissful Earth apple juice.  
  
God, he never realized how _badly_ he missed Earth food.  
  
Something had been bugging him, though, a question he hadn't felt ready to ask yet. He looked up at Shiro, noting his Admiral stripes, and cleared his throat. “Admiral Shirogane...what happened to Admiral Sanda?”  
  
The Paladins looked down solemnly. “She...tried to save us. She managed to get us out, but she was killed for it.” Pidge said sadly.  
  
“She only ever wanted to help . Even if she tried to give them the Lions, she didn't want _us_ captured.” Hunk said grimly.  
  
James couldn't help but feel guilty, like he should've done _something_ to help. All he'd done was sit in Sendak's arms or on his bed...like a “good boy”.  
  
He felt queasy, but managed to keep his food down. He didn't want to inconvenience anyone, after all.  
  
–  
  
After breakfast, James wandered the halls alone, at his insistence. Keith had reluctantly come up with the excuse of needing to train, anyway, and let him go, and he'd so far managed to avoid anyone else.  
  
Which is why he was startled when he bumped into someone while he was focusing on responding to Nadia's latest message, inviting him to join them in the game room. He dropped the pad in surprise and stumbled back, then gasped when a large hand closed around his upper arm and kept him from falling down. He looked up and saw an unfamiliar Galra looking at him with concern.  
  
“Careful.” He gently let go and knelt down to pick up James' fallen pad. “Here.” He held it up to him.  
  
“You...you're a...Galra.” James said, slowly taking the pad from him. “Who...who are you?”  
  
“My name is Kolivan. I lead the Blade of Mamora.” The Galra explained. “And you are...”  
  
“James. James Griffin.” James swallowed nervously. He couldn't explain it, but he both wanted to run but also move closer to this Galra.  
  
“James.” Kolivan nodded. “Are you aware you have a musk?”  
  
“A what?” James frowned.  
  
“A musk. It's not detectable by humans, though. It's a smell typically associated with a Galra in heat.” Kolivan explained.  
  
James looked confused. “That...that doesn't make sense. I'm not a Galra.”  
  
“No, you're definitely not a Galra. Perhaps Sendak or the witch did something to you.” Kolivan reached out and cupped his cheek. “You're feeling a little warm. Your cheeks are pink, too.”  
  
“Is that...significant?” James said, tensing up a bit.  
  
“A bit. You weren't like this when you were walking towards me.” Kolivan tilted his head slightly.  
  
Great. So, Sendak had done something weird to him during that year he was his captive. He felt warm, and dizzy, and like he was starting to lose track of reality again. He started to fall back and Kolivan caught him, saying something James could barely hear.  
  
“...doctor.”  
  
“N-No.” James clutched at Kolivan's uniform. “I-I don't need a doctor. I...I don't know what I need, but it's not a doctor.”  
  
Kolivan looked a bit grim and then lifted him into his arms, carrying him away. He clung to him, his message to Nadia forgotten, and breathed in his scent. It was different from Sendak's, and he held him so gently, so kindly.  
  
He was brought into a dimly-lit room that had purple lights and a bed that resembled a cat's. A Galra room, he realized. Kolivan gently set him down on the bed and got up to run water in the sink, which he brought over in a cup. “Drink.” He offered it to him.  
  
James took the cup, setting his pad to the side, and took a sip. It felt cool and refreshing and helped him cool down a little. “Thanks.” He said, handing back the empty cup.  
  
“I want to have the doctor examine you for something in particular, something he might've missed.” Kolivan said, walking over to put the cup aside. “It's possible you've had a chemical put on your body that has altered you slightly. The way you are acting, it's like an induced heat. But, humans don't _get_ heats, so you must be having a strong reaction to the chemical used.”  
  
“I don't want to see any doctor right now.” James sighed, laying down on the bed. “I still feel really warm.”  
  
“Keith would be _furious_ if I were to do anything to alleviate it.” Kolivan said, frowning.  
  
“Keith isn't here and I don't give a fuck.” James said, gripping the bed. “If you can help me, fucking _help me_.”  
  
Kolivan sighed and nodded. “Alright.” He walked over and locked the door. “Only because you desperately need it.” He walked over to the bed, undressing as he went.  
  
James reached up to unfasten his jacket, his other hand going to his belt. He had to admit, this Galra was really attractive. He was the leader of...what the heck was the Blade of Marmora? He supposed he'd ask Keith later.  
  
They both stripped down and Kolivan climbed onto the bed, gently cupping his cheek. “If you, at any time, feel uncomfortable or upset and want to stop, just tell me. I will not force you to continue.”  
  
James nodded, leaning into his hand. It was such a gentle touch, nothing like Sendak's rough grip. He gasped sharply as Kolivan's other hand started to roam his body, trailing the tips along his skin and down his chest, tweaking his nipples, lightly stroking his growing erection, James was being completely undone by this Galra's gentle touches.  
  
He reached up and ran his hands over Kolivan's fur, tracing his muscles, feeling his warmth and seeing the kind wariness in his eyes as he worried about upsetting James at any moment. He wrapped his arms around the Galra's neck and pulled him down so he could kiss him, feeling a thrill at being free to use his hands while touching a Galra.  
  
Kolivan pressed his lips to James', then moved to his nose, his forehead, his cheek, and then his neck. It was such a feather-light _kiss_ , not a dominating _bite_ , and he moaned and arched his back in response. Kolivan reached up to grip the hairband and gently pull his hair free and, for once, James didn't feel like his hair was too heavy as Kolivan ran his fingers through it when he kissed him again. It was passionate, but not forceful. It was almost loving.  
  
It made him feel wistful about the fact that Keith didn't kiss him _once_ , not until Sendak _forced_ him to.  
  
Kolivan seemed to notice he faltered and pulled back a bit. “Do you want to stop?”  
  
“No.” James breathed. “Kiss me again?”  
  
Kolivan obliged, his hands moving to James' hips and lifting his legs a bit as they pressed together. Then he broke the kiss and moved down James' body and James whimpered a bit, missing the contact and wondering what he was doing.  
  
Then Kolivan wrapped his mouth around James' erection and it felt like _heaven_. He moaned and arched his body, tilting his head back. He'd never felt something so good before! Actually, this had never happened to him before at all, and he decided he liked it, he liked it _very_ much. He dug his fingers into Kolivan's hair and whimpered in pleasure as Kolivan tore apart every ounce of shame he felt with every suck and tongue curling around his penis and he gripped the bed with one hand and cried out as Kolivan started to bob his head up and down, taking him in fully and he made such _sounds_ , god, James had never been through something so _good_ before.  
  
He saw white and cried out as he reached his limit, and he lay panting heavily as Kolivan pulled off with a “pop” of his lips and moved over him.”That...that was...whooooa...”  
  
“Did you like it?” Kolivan smiled. His braid was still secure, he didn't look undone at all and James reached up to tug at the band holding it together, letting his hair fall loose.  
  
“Yes.” James smiled. “That was _amazing._ Sendak _never_ did that for me.”  
  
“Sendak was known to have been selfish.” Kolivan hummed, gently kissing him. “Do you want to continue?”  
  
“ _Yes._ ” James' response was both emphatic and ecstatic.  
  
Kolivan moved his hand down to press against James' anus and he moaned, spreading his legs to invite more of his touch. “I'll have to get some lubricant.” He pulled away and went to a chest by his bed, pulling out a familiar bottle. “Are you sure you're alright with this?”  
  
“God, _yes_ , do it!” James pleaded.  
  
Kolivan crawled over and kissed him again before he opened the bottle and coated his fingers before pushing one in, followed by another. James wasn't surprised he wouldn't need much prep, after a year of sex every day. Kolivan moved his fingers in and out and James clutched at his arms, spreading his legs wider.  
  
“K-Kolivan.” James breathed.  
  
“Soon.” Kolivan promised.  
  
James swallowed nervously and looked down, finally seeing what a Galra penis looked like. It was slightly barbed and a bit pointy at the end and was that a _knot_? _**Damn**_. He felt himself heat up and grow eager for it and tugged at Kolivan's hand, trying to get him to take them out.  
  
“Soon.” Kolivan said again, chuckling as he pushed in another finger. “I don't want to hurt you, so I'm making sure you're well prepared.”  
  
“How much longer?” James asked impatiently.  
  
“Now.” He pulled his fingers out and coated his erection in the stuff from the bottle and then moved forward, kissing James again before he gripped his hip with one hand and his erection with the other and pushed inside slowly.  
  
James moaned and tilted his chin back, swooning. Sendak was big, sure, but Kolivan was _good_. A direct foil to Sendak's violently fast thrusts and eager, rough grips, Kolivan was gentle with his grips and slow and gentle going in. He kissed James' neck gently over and over, then did a little nip followed by an apologetic lick but, god, he didn't need to apologize because that was one bite mark James wouldn't mind having on his neck.  
  
Sendak had sex, but Kolivan _made love_ , and it was _heavenly_. James could feel the world of no senses creeping in and he shifted his hips and clung to him as he whispered “more” and “faster, harder” with Kolivan obliging every whispered demand.  
  
Soon enough, he was moving in and out harder and faster without prompting, his hands gripping James' on the bed as he pounded into him relentlessly, never taking his eyes off him, and James _loved it_. He felt dizzy but not sick and, oh, it felt _amazing_ and he would be happy with doing this again and again with Kolivan. He'd be happy to be a permanent fixture to his bed.  
  
He started to lose track of reality but, for once, he didn't mind it at all. Kolivan's fingers, laced with his, were so warm and his penis felt _so good_ and he latched his legs around Kolivn's waist, not wanting him to let go, and then—ohh! Kolivan's knot pushed inside and he cried out as he saw white and felt something warm fill him up inside.  
  
He started to come back to reality sooner than usual and found himself still in Kolivan's arms, his knot still buried inside him, and Kolivan's hands were gently stroking his hair as he steadily rocked with him. James clutched at his fur and buried his face in his scent, feeling secure and happy.  
  
“It shouldn't be too much longer, and then I can pull out.” Kolivan said gently. “How are you feeling?”  
  
“Good.” James smiled dreamily. “Feels so good.”  
  
“Does it hurt?”  
  
“A little.” James nuzzled him. “But, I don't mind. It's a good hurt.”  
  
  
“I'm glad you had a good time.” Kolivan smiled.  
  
James looked up at him. “I wouldn't mind doing it again. I mean, as long as I've got this weird chemical inside me, right?”  
  
“We still need to get you checked out.” Kolivan gently kissed him. “But, I wouldn't mind helping you again. Even though, I admit, I haven't been with a _full_ human before.”  
  
“Keith?” James raised an eyebrow.  
  
“He has submitted to me, yes.” Kolivan nodded. “I did enjoy this experience.”  
  
“Me too.” James sighed happily. “I didn't think I'd ever say that about being with a Galra.”  
  
“Well, Sendak is hardly the epitome of sexual experiences.” Kolivan chuckled. “He treats sex like a battle, but the battle already happened. Sex should be like a celebratory dance.” He rocked with him a bit more and James nuzzled him affectionately in response.  
  
“What're we gonna tell Keith if he finds out?” James asked.  
  
“I'll recruit his mother's help, she's better at getting him to calm down.” Kolivan said, glancing away. “The fact you thoroughly enjoyed yourself might help him calm down, and also the fact you desperately needed it thanks to the chemical.”  
  
James chuckled. “He's going to freak out.”  
  
–  
  
“You—what--I said for you guys to _not_ approach him, and you—Ko-li-van!” Keith groaned, running his hands over his face. “And he _just_ recovered, and you've got him lying in bed again!” He gestured to James curled up under Kolivan's blanket.  
  
“He's fine.” Kolivan assured him. “He's just resting.”  
  
“Kolivan isn't a rough lover, you know that.” Keith's mother, Krolia, said casually.  
  
“Still, I was trying to avoid setting him off by--”  
  
“He was going through an induced heat.” Kolivan said firmly. “He needed relief.”  
  
“He—what--heat--he's human.” Keith said, dropping his hands in front of him incredulously.  
  
“Yes, and it has made the chemical that Sendak used on him that induces heat that much zstronger. Didn't you smell his musk?” Kolivan frowned.  
  
“Uh...no? He didn't have any musk during breakfast.”  
  
“I could have been trigger by the nearby presence of an Alpha.” Krolia supplied helpfully.  
  
“Humans don't go through heat, though!” Keith sputtered.  
  
They heard a knock at the door and Kolivan went over to open it. Slav and Shiro came in and Slav went over with some equipment to James' bed and he started to sit up.  
  
“No, no, don't get up. Oh, I should've _known_ it was this reality.” He muttered. “Let's hope it's not too late. Here, let me move this blanket.”  
  
James shifted the blanket and Slav moved a machine over James' body. “Ohhh dear.”  
  
“What is it?” Shiro asked impatiently.  
  
“This is the reality where his body's natural antibodies adapt to the chemical and infuse it with him, making it impossible to remove!” Slav said, shaking his head.  
  
“Meaning?” Keith asked, looking as impatient as Shiro.  
  
“It means that he is going to be going into heat every five quintants.” Slav explained.  
  
“Is there a way to avoid this? Maybe clap our hands behind our backs? Tap our toes? Click our heels?” Shiro asked.  
  
“Well, if he'd been brought home in the Blue Lion instead of the Black Lion, he might've had a chance.” Slav shrugged. “It's too late now, though.”  
  
“Maybe we can get Coran to figure out an antidote.” Keith said, sighing.  
  
“On the bright side, he seems to have found an Alpha that can help him out!” Slav said cheerfully.  
  
“Can I get some sleep now?” James asked, sighing. “Tired.”  
  
“Yes, I think that would be best.” Krolia nodded. “Let's go, Keith.”  
  
Keith looked at Shiro. “We need to talk to Coran about this.”  
  
“Honestly, I think the _less_ people know about this, the better.” Shiro said, shaking his head. “Kolivan, is there an antidote for this chemical?”  
  
“No, but I can look into it.” Kolivan nodded.  
  
“Please do.” Shiro nodded. “And, thank you for taking care of him.”  
  
“I feel it would be inappropriate to say 'my pleasure' at this time.” Kolivan said, glancing at James. “I will bring him out when he is awake.”  
  
They cleared out of the room and Kolivan went over to sit next to James, gently stroking his hair. James smiled and shifted his position a bit to rest his head on Kolivan's lap, letting his stroking lull him to sleep.  
  
So he had been modified by Sendak to need sex every few days, so what? He could handle this. He had Kolivan. He would be perfectly fine, everything was under control. Sendak wasn't going to beat him down. He would be able to carry on past that year as his prisoner.  
  
End

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sendak, you TWISTED fucker.


End file.
